


Alfred's Day Off

by Ashynarr



Series: DEFCONverse [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Various Science Fiction Works
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashynarr/pseuds/Ashynarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just because you happen to be one of the few people who knows about the existence of aliens doesn't mean you're always stuck working to keep the knowledge away from everyone else – even Nations like Alfred need a break from that sort of thing occasionally!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alfred's Day Off

Saturdays were, to Alfred, the best day of the week, because no one expected you to go into work and do hours of annoying paperwork or babysit hundreds of grown pissbabies who couldn't even get along longer than five minutes. This Saturday, of course, was going to prove even better, because Mattie was coming down to visit for the weekend, and they were going to have so much fun chillaxing together!

Humming cheerfully as he cooked up his and Tony's breakfast, he decided that since his brother wasn't going to be there until around lunchtime, he might as well meet up with Benny and see what he wanted to talk about to pass the morning. Flipping the hashbrowns one last time before turning the stove off, he grabbed his phone and shot off a text, getting a return message agreeing to meet down at the ferry just as Tony stumbled into the room, half asleep and grumbling as he sat down at the small table.

"Morning, Tony!" Al chirped, placing a plate of hashbrowns and eggs before his friend as well as a cup of apple juice to wake him up. (As funny as it was, getting his friend drunk on coffee wasn't something he usually did, because the paperwork tended to be annoying afterwards.)

The small alien swore, downing half the apple juice in one go before starting in on his breakfast. Alfred chuckled as he sat down with his own plate, his own cup of coffee warm and welcome in the face of a cold spring morning out and about his largest city.

By the time he was grabbing his jacket to head out, he and Tony were both far more awake, the alien already having dug out his 3DS for the all-offworld Super Smash Bros tourney that had apparently been set up by one of his buddies. "Try not to start any wars while I'm gone!" He laughed, his friend making a rude gesture as the American strode out the door.

"Hey, Mrs. E!" He greeted his downstairs neighbor as he made his way down to street level, waving as she looked up from her flowers.

"Hello, Alfred," She greeted with her own smile, accent thick. "You're looking cheerful today."

"So are you," He replied, glancing to the non-Earth native flower which was leaning into her hand. "And so are they."

"They've been enjoying the sunshine," Mrs. E ran careful fingers over the petals.

"So has everyone else," Alfred agreed before shaking his head. "Ack, sorry, I've got a friend to meet up with! Chat with you later!"

"Have fun," The Leonider woman waved as he ran down the rest of the steps.

Humming as he wove past the crowds with ease, he ducked into a newspaper stand, nodding to the young Muslim man running it. "Any big news today?"

"Nothing apart from the usual," The man shrugged, handing over the titles Alfred gestured to.

"Guess that's better than bad news," The blond mused, looking through the headlines for anything that jumped out. (If you were in the know, things that hit the so called 'rags' could actually be legitimately informative.) "How's your family been?"

"Great," He replied, smiling. "The kids have all settled in nicely, though they don't like their frills being covered in public all the time."

"Eh, they'll be fine," Alfred smiled, pushing himself up from the counter. "I need to get going; see you later!"

The Tymbrimi waved him off, Alfred once again ducking through the crowds as he made his way towards where he could sense his State waiting for him. Ben's foot was tapping as he looked out across the water, his gaze following a docked ferry set for the island Lady Liberty sat on.

"Sorry I'm late!" The Nation apologized, settling beside him on the railing. "Whatcha up to?"

"Watching the new guy," New York replied, grinning as he watched the Hoon navigator waved people on board, grinning off the questions about the scales on his face. "Poor guy forgot to hide his scales on the first day, so I sorta gave him a cover story."

"Body mod?" Alfred guessed, Ben nodding in confirmation.

"It's amazing how easy it is to pass off any weird features as that these days. I bet it'll be a decade before the more human looking aliens can just walk around without hiding anything and not even getting raised eyebrows."

"You say that like a few don't already," Alfred laughed softly, gesturing to the woman walking past with her kid, a huge bushy tail waving behind her.

"Isabel's?" The State sighed as Alfred laughed. "She really needs to figure out that not everyone is as easygoing about aliens as she is."

"Dude, you don't even want to know about her plans for disclosure," The Nation replied, laughing more at Ben's horrified look. "The only reason she hasn't is because she's trying to milk as much tech from them as possible to sell first."

"I never thought I'd say this, but thank God she's got at least some sense to her priorities, even if she's probably fucked every damn alien who's walked into her territory anyways."

" _Ben,_ " Alfred warned.

"You know how she gets about them," Ben rolled his eyes before widening them, bouncing on his heels while pitching his voice up. " _Benny, you don't get it, these guys have four eyes! And they can dislocate their jaws like snakes! It's so freaking cool!_ "

"I'm still pretty sure she's not having sex with them," The Nation shook his head, not denying that the mimicry was more than accurate.

"Just screwing them over," Ben muttered, giving Alfred a look at the one directed at him. "Oh, like you don't know about her side hobbies."

"About as much as I know about yours," Alfred replied, snorting in amusement when Ben shrugged his shoulders sheepishly at being called out.

"...not all her ideas are stupid…" New York admitted eventually.

"And you wonder why everyone insists you two are dating," The Nation wondered rhetorically before turning back to his State. "You wanted to talk to me about the stadium, right?"

Ben relaxed, getting into a long winded speech about how his baseball stadium clearly deserved a renovation while Alfred listened on, grinning at the enthusiasm he was putting into it. Really, if there was anyone who loved baseball more than himself, it was this guy.

~0~0~

"Mattie!" Alfred greeted cheerfully as his brother came through the security door, pulling him into a hug once he was close enough.

"Oof, hey Al," The Canadian replied, returning the hug briefly before pushing him away with a grin. "Sorry I'm late; the plane got stuck circling for a while."

"Hey, it's cool, I played around on my phone while waiting," The southern brother waved his phone before tucking it back into his pocket. "Wanna go get some lunch?"

" _Please,_ " Matthew begged. "I think they were serving Twi'lek food on the plane."

Alfred laughed at that, patting his brother on the shoulder as they left the terminal and grabbed a taxi back into town. "Don't worry, I know the best place run by some people from out of town."

The northern brother raised an eyebrow in wary question. Alfred raised his hands defensively. "I swear these guys are legit! Got to know them and everything!"

Matthew relaxed at that, smiling again. "That sounds good, then. What sort of food do they have?"

"Eh, common diner stuff, burgers, sandwiches, soup, yada yada. They've also got a special menu if you bring it up, but I don't think you'd like anything on there."

"Fair enough; I'd rather just have a sandwich anyways," The Canadian replied as the taxi came to a stop, Alfred handing over the toll before the two clambered out.

"Hey guys!" Alfred greeted the staff as he entered, grinning merrily.

"Alfred!" One of the waiters greeted, her own slightly sharpened grin coming to the fore. "There's a booth open if you and your friend want it."

"Sounds perfect, Ellie," He replied as he made his way to the offered booth, sliding in while his brother slid into the seat across from him. "Any specials today?"

"There's the double bacon cheeseburger for our normal menu, and rylak soup for our special menu." She noted, glancing between them in askance.

Alfred made a face at that. "Yeah, I'll just take the burger and a coke, thanks."

"BLT and a coke for me, please," Matthew added, waiting for the waiter to leave before turning back to his brother expectantly.

"Huge lion-bat critters; taste a bit like petrified couch stuffing, but it's been a rage with offworlders lately." The American shook his head in exasperation. "Trust me, you're better off avoiding it if you can."

"Sounds like it," The Canadian agreed, settling back into his seat. "What were you thinking of after this?"

"Movie, definitely," Alfred responded immediately, pulling out his phone to show his brother the film he'd had in mind for the past few weeks. "I've been wanting to see this one for a while, and there's a showing in about an hour at the theater just down the block."

Matthew nodded in approval. "Looks good to me."

"Sweet!" The American grinned, putting his phone away after fistpumping the air. "Oh, by the way, if your food smells like raspberry, don't eat it."

"Why?" The Canadian asked, frowning.

"Our servers are Reol. These guys are generally good about it, but sometimes they forget about their glands and get a bit on the food, and whew, does it make you high for like an hour."

"Fun," Matthew replied flatly. "Anything else I should know about?"

"Ah, hmm," Alfred hummed in thought. "The chefs are both Dosian, but they're pretty dependable when it comes to keeping human food human. If you get the special menu, though, they're way more likely to try 'experimenting' with the recipes."

Matthew shook his head. "And you like this place."

"Hey, I can actually handle a few of the dishes, so it's not as bad for me." Alfred shrugged. "Not to mention their burgers are pretty good too."

"Fair enough, I guess," Matthew replied, their dishes coming out right after and briefly halting all conversation.

(The staff, to their credit, didn't seem offended when both of them carefully checked their food for the scent of fruit first.)

~0~0~

"Aw man, that movie blew." Alfred pouted as they left the theater, waving idly to the woman behind the concession stand he'd gently chastised earlier for trying to her Umbrian mind tricks to get them to buy more food.

"There'll always be more movies," Matthew comforted, patting his brother's shoulder. "Not all of them can be great hits."

"The reviews made it sound good," The American complained, kicking at a pebble gently despite his frustration. "And I was really looking forward to it."

"At least it could be worse?" Matthew added, wincing at the look he was given before frowning back. "C'mon, you know it's not the end of the world, and you can always try seeing if anyone's make a parody of it yet."

"Yeah, that'd be awesome," Alfred replied, perking up at that. "Let's head back to my place for dinner and check it out! And also make sure Tony didn't blow something up after possibly losing in that Smash tourney this morning."

"I still don't know how you explained the last one; you had a hole in the side of your apartment." Matthew shook his head as they started walking towards Alfred's apartment

"Gas leak," Alfred shrugged. "Least I think that's what the guys said they made it come off as."

Matthew nodded in acknowledgement, gaze drifting to the side with a sudden frown. "Al."

"I see him," The southern Nation replied, stepping once to the left and bringing an arm up just in time to catch the guy power walking past them, knocking him to the ground just as a woman up ahead shouted in alarm.

"This your wallet, ma'am?" Alfred raised his voice as he pulled the leather wallet out of tightly gripped hands, holding it up as the woman ran up to them, relief in her eyes.

"Thank you so much; I didn't even notice until he was gone," She complained, glaring at the would-be thief.

"Not a problem; I'll just get him to the station so he doesn't cause any more trouble, yeah?"

"Of course," She nodded, smiling at him again. "Thank you again!"

Matthew sighed as she left, turning to the guy Alfred was picking up from the ground with the careful effort of someone being watched by a small crowd. "Seriously? It's barely even dark out yet."

The man spat out something in Brakirian, which to most would sound a bit like slurred Japanese.

Alfred jabbed him with an elbow in warning, leading him down the street to the nearest drop off for offworld troublemakers. "Seriously, bro, don't be like that, you know I have to bring you in."

"...bro?" The alien asked, giving him an odd look.

"Nevermind, just get over here." Alfred sighed, leading him up the steps into the building and shoving him gently towards the startled officers. "Caught him stealing; might want to give him a few days to think about what he's done."

"Yessir," One of the officers saluted, grabbing the alien's arm and hauling him off with a bit more effort than Alfred.

"Are we done now?" Matthew asked, shaking his head again as they left the building and returned to their walk.

"Hopefully he'll learn his lesson from that," Alfred shrugged, bouncing on his feet a bit when his apartment complex came into view. "You alright with rigatoni for dinner?"

"Sounds good to me," The Canadian agreed, glancing up to the floor Al's apartment was on. "No holes or smoke this time."

"Sweet, guess he won then." The American took the steps up two at a time, reaching his door and unlocking it just as his brother made it up the steps at a more casual pace. "Tony, we're here!"

He heard swearing and the sound of something crashing to the floor. The two exchanged looks, hoping this wasn't going to end up another thing they'd have to explain.

(At least their lives were never boring with aliens around.)

**Author's Note:**

> Well then. It's been a while since I wrote anything to this AU, and I think it's definitely a good example of how my writing's changed over the last two and a half years. I don't think I'm quite as good at the ridiculous humor as I was then, but everything else has definitely improved!
> 
> Eheheh and last time so many people missed out on most of my references, which disappointed me – you could have googled all of them in a few minutes and known exactly what I was referencing. Though I doubt most of those same people are still following me or even in the Hetalia fandom, I'm still hoping you'll take a hint and actually try this time around.
> 
> I might throw a few more things in this AU out eventually, so if you like it, look forward to all that!


End file.
